Anonymous asked: As a quick very, very general guide for that anon: The Spanish League is known for very elegant, technical football. The Premier League for more of a rough contact, faster style. The Italian League is a bit slower paced and tactical. And the German League known for their intelligent yet physical style. Choosing a League really depends on what aspects of the game you enjoy most.
Anonymous asked: i pinned my affections on a boy who now has girlfriend. This is not my first brush with unrequited love but it still feels awful. What I am asking is, how do you get over someone who was never yours to begin with.
Ugh, I feel you dude. A guy that I was soooooooo damn taken by recently got a girlfriend even though I ended our little dating thing close to 2 years ago. I think the pain on my part stems from the fact this girlfriend wasn’t me - so we, hurt humans, rationally equate this with the fact we weren’t the wo/man the guy wanted to be with, and we feel “lesser” as a result of that. The prospect of having their affection felt redeeming for us, whether it’s a slight against us as wo/men, the child within us hurt by men of our past, or maybe it would even be redeeming because nothing else is going right in life at the moment.. the list goes on.
It didn’t take me until knowing a guys mind pretty intimately through my current boyfriend when I began to understand things a little more with the lens of their perspective. Usually when I pry about the past women in Chris’ life that never ended up being his girlfriend, I will hear notes of old remorse in his voice when he talks about them - it just wasn’t the right time in his life to have made them his girlfriend, and they were great, but their personalities just wouldn’t have meshed with his in his 20yr old, 25yr old, 30yr old incarnation. There are a lot of rational reasons why a guy just isn’t into you, and most of them to do not have to do with any inadequacies you may feel.
I remember the phrase, “it wasn’t meant to be” used to infuriate me, but now I feel it’s extremely empowering when it comes to feeling closure. When I dated this Old Dude 2 years back, he emphasized that he didn’t want to be in a relationship at all. He made it very clear our dating was just for the purpose of fun and not to take it seriously. Now, I’m pretty confident in my femininity, and I definitely did try to sway his opinion with my personality.. but after a certain point, I just knew that I was wasting my time. If he didn’t want me as a girlfriend, then I wouldn’t even give him the satisfaction of dating me, so I called it off and said we should just be friends. He seemed weirdly hurt, but he agreed, and we did so. Around July of this year, we sent an interesting series of texts to each other, and he admitted that he completely regretted everything that passed between us, and that he wished we could start over. Being that I’m now in a relationship with Chris, it was too little too late, but it was great to actually hear that. I had spent the entire year thinking various disparaging things about myself in relation to why he didn’t want me the way I wanted to feel wanted. Despite this, about 2 weeks ago, I found out he has a girlfriend and it felt like a quick, hot knife to the heart. Emotions are so weird. Shouldn’t I have been over it? The fact of the matter was that he wasn’t in the place to be someones boyfriend when I knew him. The timing wasn’t right and I found someone so perfect for me while I was licking my wounds and least expected it.
The way to get over someone that was never “yours” is to completely acknowledge that sentence and let it was over you. Maybe in another life it’ll happen, but its best to focus on yourself and actually invest sentiment on people that will be yours instead of circumstances that didn’t land in your favor. It’s okay to be hurt over it. Just don’t blame yourself over anything. The person that wants you won’t choose someone else over you, and the person that did will never experience the gift it is to have you, so it’s their loss to deal with in the future.
Anonymous asked: i know tumblr can be a cesspit sometimes and i completely understand you not being as invested in it as you once were.. but i just want to say i sorely miss seeing massive text posts from you pop up on my dash! always been my favorite part of your blog, and i'm sulking a lil bit.
❤ ❤ ❤ Thank you dude, I’m glad the frantic and desperate ramblings of my text posts are useful for any other reason than to offset my anxiety (and I mean that). I do want to try to be more consistent about using Tumblr - even though I’m friends with just about everyone that matters on various other networking sites, this place does provide a specific prism of other people’s lives/interests that lack on other mediums.
Anonymous asked: I love you.
I love you more
Anonymous asked: How do you balance like, your religious life and your sexuality? i mean you seem okay with both, and i was wondering about your opinion on both, together?
I just feel like sexuality is the closest I can get to God outside of drug and alcohol fueled revelations and solitary experiences in nature. There is a purity in sex to me. The Ecstasy of St. Theresa by Bernini really changed me when I first studied it in high school art history, though it was a very subtle ripple effect that I couldn’t pin point until recently. If anything, sex and religion couldn’t be a more perfect blending of the dualism of mind and body.
I had to create my own arena for sensuality in order to not feel religious anxiety over it. There were boundaries that I couldn’t puncture that fell in line with my version of Catholicism in my head, and when everything felt “clean” for me, then I could blossom and unveil. I still feel that way. It’s really paradoxical to try to explain. The wholeness I feel with Catholicism at its best is the same wholeness I feel during perfect sex.
myaffairwithnabokov asked: hello girl, v curious about your favourite characters and ships on got/asoiaf. i know you love jaime and jaime x brienne but anyone else you really love? OR HATE? i'm still at the beginning of season 3 so i may not know all the characters yet btw.
I ship all my favorite characters more with the ♡ Iron Throne ♡ then with each other mostly because almost every single character is super fucked up in ASOIAF and I’d rather my faves attain a sense of self and general peace around them before they get into a relationship with the lunatic next door (or in this case, the next chapter). My favorite characters are:
- Jaime Lannister (ship him with Brienne). I see his relationship with Cersei as more self preservation on his part (a mistrust of anyone that isn’t his family) and more of a way for her to control her birthright to Casterly Rock as the true first born. As a result she needs Jaime in the palm of her hand (sexual intimacy since they were children that she initiated), that way she lives vicariously through him more often than not as a way for her to reconcile her womanhood that she loathes.
- Catelyn Tully Stark. Naturally I ship her with Eddard Stark - I see her initial love for Brandon as a starstruck teenager was purely for beauty and brawns rather then something she saw substantially in him, as other characters mention that Eddard is nothing like his brother, but in the best way possible. In Indian culture, an arranged marriage is seen as a cold soup that goes hot over time once you get to know your betrothed in the intimacy of a marriage, and that the strongest love is the kind that grows over time, like a wall of vines, rather then the heated “love at first sight” which is put out as quickly as it got started, and that’s really how I see their marriage between them.
- Ser Loras Tyrell - I ship him with Renly Baratheon for a million different reasons!!!! I have so many feelings for them that I feel a little blurb on here would be so useless. Loras was just such a ride or die bitch for Renly. Renly, who inherited all of his famous older brothers beauty and the wits of the middle child Stannis proved to be a deadly combination in every way possible, and Loras wanted to cultivate that in a way that gave them everything they needed. He put Renly on such a pedestal - rather then him being the king of his heart he wanted him King of the Realm — and he did anything and everything in his power to make it possible. His staunch chastity afterwards.. KILL ME GOD THEY ARE SO TRAGIC. Truly GRRM’s Achilles and Patroclus. Things that make me feel everything 1 | 2 | 3
- Theon Greyjoy - I really don’t ship him with anyone, especially not Jeyne Poole. I just want them both to have some warm soup, fresh clothes, get some cocoa butter in their lives, and go to extensive therapy from their rescue until forever.
- Daenerys Targaryen - I definitely ship her with Khal Drogo, and while I do want her to move on and love again, I can’t find it in myself to care about her shitty taste in men afterwards tbh. The romantic Kat Von D of Westeros smh
- Sansa Stark - omg pretty much how I feel about Theon is how I feel about her. I want her to know glory in the North, I want her to howl a little louder when it comes to standing up for herself. Regain basic teenager personality development, that would definitely be a top goal for her in my mind.. killing Petyr as well in cold blood and while he gazes upon her in his last gasps of breath, has never seen more Catelyn Stark in her ever.
Anonymous asked: Hey I'm having a hard time and consider you the best tumblr advice giver. How do you get over a dude? I was in love with him but he didn't love me back. Now I feel like shit. I know you've had your ups and downs but are in a solid, good relationship now and I just want to hear your thoughts on this.
It took me, literally, 5 years to get over my ex-boyfriend. Not just 5 years of not really feelin the dudes I would date, but 5 years of full blown the-second-I-wake-up-until-the-moment-I-fall-back-asleep of pure misery washing over me. He was actually the reason I decided to get into astrology - I was convinced this level of unhappiness needed some kind of cosmic explanation because there no longer was a rational one once the first year after we broke up passed. I would hear phrases like, “the amount of time you spent together is the same amount of time you’ll need to get over that person!!!!” (which I can now recognize as one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard) and I would think I was completely insane for still being so “sprung.” For being revolted by everyone else that wasn’t him. It’s even weird thinking back on that time.. I was truly at my wits end. Tortured emotionally is the best way to describe it; haunted by a love, my first real promise of happiness, that failed.
I don’t know if most people can relate to this or if I was unique in my suffering. I think the key to getting over a guy in the most standard sense of the word is firstly understanding everything that went wrong. Really dissect the dynamics of that relationship as objectively as you can. Try to harness that voice inside of yourself that makes you see rationality when you want to indulge in passion. Were you really yourself in that relationship, or did you become an animated puppet of yourself, tailored for his tastes and pleasure? Maybe, when you really think about it, you took on more of an emotional babysitting role then you really wanted. He could have even been a project in indulging in your savior complex. Whatever it actually is, allow yourself to think about this for as long as you need to instead of rashly coming to a conclusion to move onto the next part of the “grieving process”.
The end of a relationship is very similar to a death. It’s the end of an era in your life. The flower of your previous relationship that once freshly bloomed has rotted. Sometimes that is a really unbearable thought to think. Sometimes people can be friends with their exes, sometimes a person would rather not do that and will cut them out of their lives. Either way it’s painful, and can add salt to a wound. Recognize that pain as apart of a learning process and as a valuable experience in life. You grow from acknowledge your hurts, and sifting through your misery with the intention of wanting a clear head.
Unrequited love is pretty fucking terrible. It was definitely the story of my life from the age of 17 until I was 22. I went through a lot of trial and error with men.. there was an old journal entry I was looking at of mine. I took a vow of celibacy in early 2012 after dating 3 dudes in a row (and sometimes intertwining) and they all ended extremely similarly. July 15th, 2012: “There is something about sweetness that makes me extremely uncomfortable — I always feel like I need to run away from it as quickly as possible. I understand why I keep falling into the pattern of unavailable men, its not only because they’re “safe”, but I’m recreating the 2007 scenario of (him) and I, except I’m now in his place as the convincing, charming pursuer. Maybe subconsciously I think that if I can change the minds of these stoic men as (he) had once done to me, then the cycle has completed and I’ve finally conquered my grief. The problem is obviously ME if these identical romantic scripts keep popping up in my life time and time again. I should get to know sweetness and kindness a little bit better. Cast aside my old prejudices.” Then literally two weeks later Chris and I would begin to date and he’d be my boyfriend. I feel like that journal entry was an extremely pivotal point in my life after the celibacy and throwing myself into as much mental/physical activity as possible after reflecting on “what went wrong” and why I was wrecked after that relationship.
I’m not suggesting celibacy in the SLIGHTEST btw. After years of still not being over this, I threw myself into the sexual realm hoping that it would be the cure to heartache (haha it wasn’t!), but I’ve always been a notorious prude and it just wasn’t in my nature to do that. There’s definitely no cookie-cutter way to get over a guy, but I think it’s beyond helpful to remember that for every dude that you like, there is an even more incredible one around the corner that will blow your mind. Just the other day I was thinking about my progression of men.. how, at the time, I thought there was no guy cooler then my crush. It was only after I had to get over them and stumbled across someone new that I realized that my personality, at the time, was more suited for the old dude. The more I grew as a person and hated the old personality traits I once sought out, I found better and better matches.
Inevitably I realized that my ex-boyfriend didn’t offer me much of anything. I love to worship. That is my bread and butter when it comes to falling in love. I love to put you on a pedestal and have my eyes wash over your features. I love to listen to everything you have to say, analyze all of your stories, and think you’re the king of princes, the queen of the Heavens. I definitely did that sevenfold with my first boyfriend, because that’s just the nature of first love. It is more shockingly, intensely “new” and more naive than all of the others, which is why I think it leaves such an impression on the psyche. I realized that while I worshiped him, I received nothing back. While that was cool with me at the time, now that I’m an adult and have experienced the feeling of being worshiped myself, there is no way I would ever be okay with a relationship like that again! Every time a guy does something and you think, “what the fuck, I really.. don’t appreciate that. Whatever, we can’t have it all” slap yourself. Yes you can. There is always going to be someone that’s going to treat you like a God and a best friend and you better remind him when he fucks up like that! If he’s not down, fuck it.
Anyway dude, life will move on and you will prosper. Treat yourself well and allow yourself the tenderness you feel right now. If anyone tries to make you feel like shit about it, just ignore them. On the same token, don’t wallow in your misery. You’re better than sadness over a turd guy. You are a bad bitch. Allow that time in your life to come to a close, as much as it hurts, as much as you never wanted it to end, as much as how it was, so far, your favorite chapter of any book ever, and let it go. Better chapters are guaranteed so long as you want them.
“Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.”
Anonymous asked: What's your stance on telling partners you've cheated? Do believe in 'what they don't know won't hurt them' or do you think one should always confess?
WHOA that’s a pretty deep question. Honestly, I don’t really feel like there’s some objective way to go about this. Every relationship has its own personalized DNA, and it functions and thrives off of the different moralities that lay on its foundations. For me, I don’t believe I would truly be in a relationship that would do me any favors if I lied about something. I would always rather deal with a raw truth that slapped me in the face and spat on me than continue living in a world that was constructed purely of illusion. So that’s just my take on that.
However, it’s really your secret at the end of the day. I’ve noticed that since being in a relationship - a monogamous one in particular - that everything that once fell under the umbrella of ‘mine’ has slowly started to shift into ‘ours’. What is truly mine, other than the physical items that I own, the thoughts in my head, and the flesh covering my bones? Even your actions are in direct conjunction with your partners. You’re like Siamese twins, or even a pond, whatever decision you make will inevitably ripple off the other. Whether you tell him or not, your relationship is inevitably changed as a result of it.
To answer your question, I don’t believe in white lies in a relationship. To me, purposefully withholding harmful information isn’t a good intention, (“the road to Hell is paved with good intentions”) it is a lie, no matter how you slice it. You are also talking to a Catholic here, so maybe you might want to bear that in mind, lol. Just do whatever you feel is best. If you think this information is weighing on you, be honest. If you feel embarrassed by what happened and know it will never happen again, keep it to yourself. It’s really up to you. I can’t make desicions for other people.
franfinethesecond asked: Loras?! Go on...P.S. I'm going to be in LA next month. Do you have any suggestions for things to do/see/eat? I trust your judgement re: culture, immensely.
Truthfully I do feel that GRMM is going to be extremely obvious and make the valonqar Jaime (he was born seconds after Cersei who oft curses this, due to the fact if she was male she’d be the heir to Casterly Rock rather than her indifferent brother) - the audience is constantly hit over the head with so many seemingly “throw away” sentences from the twins, the most repeated one being that they came into the world together and thus they will most surely leave the world together as well. However, if GRMM is as creative as I think he is, I think Loras would also be a great bet. I’ve noticed that even though he isn’t mentioned much in the books, his role is being vastly flourished upon in the television show — plus, GRRM never fails to mention him in interviews whenever he wants to remind people that Loras is, in fact, the greatest swordsman in Westeros, considering the fact he’s the only person to dethrone Jaime during jousting.
Loras is the youngest of the Tyrell male heirs, although he is a year or so older than Margaery. In the last book, she was telling Cersei that she’d call Loras as her champion for her trial. IDK so many people have elaborated on this theory - unfortunately I have a tendency to get way too excited about lit and find it difficult to articulate this :( I JUST FEEL THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO HIS CHARACTER THAN WE’RE BEING LED ON!!! Really I do think it’s Jaime, and Stannis is really just as bland as Renly told him he was - think that’s why he’s so taken with Melissandre, as she seductively tells him everything he’s ever wanted to hear.
Anyway, Los Angeles! It really depends on what you’re down to do, if you’re a hiker I know of several beautiful waterfalls in the San Gabriel mountains you can check out that isn’t your standard Runyon Canyon or Griffith Park.
For really scenic hikes I’d recommend Sturtevant Falls, Hermit Falls, and Lewis Falls via Soldier Creek trail.
In terms of bars I’m a big fan of: Caseys, The Red Lion Tavern, The Tonga Hut, and Seven Grand.
My personal iconic food places: Little Toni’s, Senor Fish, The Oinkster, Bottega Louie, Cecconi’s, Stoney Point, King Taco, Figaro Bistrot.
In terms of stuff to do, there’s always the touristy stuff and there’s nothing wrong with that! Mann’s Chinese Theatre, The Observatory (the Griffith Park hike will take you to the closest you’ll ever be to the Hollywood sign), Venice Beach, The Getty Villa (or the regular ole Getty), LACMA, MOMA, there’s always awesome bands at The Airliner, my favorite second hand bookstore is The Iliad in North Hollywood, there’s RESPECT Thursdays for drum and bass.. really no shortage of things to do!
elizabitchtaylor asked: You're very, very beautiful but something about your photo struck me- you seem a bit.... witholding, for lack of a better word. You have this aura around you that cannot be penetrated. You're not willing to surrender your sense of self or inner desires and emotions to the camera. It's not that you're stony, per se, but you have a personal strength and a shield that protects you, that doesn't allow the camera to open you up and expose you. Your writing, however, belies your vulnerabilities.
Thank you, and I know what you mean! Marilyn Monroe was one of the greatest (if not the greatest) models of the 20th century because she was able to lay bare her soul to the camera, and provided a type of voyeurism for anyone willing to look at her that they couldn’t receive from any other woman. It’s very difficult to be a kind of model that Moves anything within the audience - most people pose or take on airs, but a great model is someone who is very openly making love to the lens in the both the best and worst of ways.
myaffairwithnabokov asked: What are your thoughts on Audrey Hepburn?
I.. love her. She is over saturated, over credited, and put on an unnecessary pedal in the retrospect of time, but as a stand alone, she is a little fawn of simplicity and grace. Grandeur in minimalism is always what her vibe gives off. She was a waif in a time of cinematic hourglasses, a brunette during a Golden reign, and a dork when sensuality was the language most of the celluloid vixens spoke, and rather than letting that crush her, she made her femininity her own.
Her aesthetic is something that really moves me. Her ballerina roots in youth emanate from everything she does, whether its a surprised look in her eyes to a nonchalant walk. Her trauma in being misplaced during the holocaust gives her a haunted look over otherwise beautifully crafted, large features. I find her really complex and unique without her needing a megaphone to declare such, and I respect that.
tinasinatra asked: Hey. So I was hoping you might share an opinion with me regarding age gaps in relationships. Was your main qualm with that experience the fact that you weren't seen as an equal? That's what I'm experiencing thus far personally and I don't see how a relationship can succeed that way. And I have to wonder if that's something that can ever change.
Oh man the dynamics in dating older men. I have a lot of cons (with an almost equal amount of pros) in this realm of dating, considering I’ve been with 3 older guys, and am currently in a relationship with one. All men are different in their own little ways, but most people fall into typical patterns when it comes to relationships, hence so many of the great stereotypes that float around in Cosmo, Glamour, et all. Here’s my current age gaps that I’ve collected, if you will, so far:
- A.) 19 year age gap, first older men I’ve ever dated, had 3 kids, a major savior complex, and was an LAPD officer - something that comes with its own sets of issues. While when we first initially dated it felt as if he viewed me as in equal (with a little bit of being “in awe” of whatever the fuck he felt in awe of), it became more and more obvious to me that he viewed me as more of an “experience” instead of as my own woman. He was extremely condescending in the end and refused to ever see my rational point because “she’s 21 years old” was obviously the only thing flashing in his eyes at that point. He was a major idiot and I’m glad that got done with as quickly as it did.
- 24 year age gap. An old family friend. I always feel embarrassed talking about this one. But I really felt he understood me, and it was very.. daddy issues-ridden when I look back on it all. He comforted me when I was down in my life with no seediness whatsoever. We were really good friends until, somehow, some sparkling eyes ignited something in me and it became more than that. He truly was a wonderful person but every now and then he’d kind of look upon me as if I was a “kid” and it would irritate me a good amount. It ended because I wanted it to, I went on a period of celibacy after that. I just felt kind of lost afterwards. I try not to think about this experience too much. I wish I knew better tbh.
- 12 year age different, my current boyfriend. This is the relationship where I think, yeah, a vast age difference can work. The only time when it can’t is when I want to do something spontaneous with my life, and Chris, unfortunately already knowing the outcome with his own life experience, tried to prevent me from doing this. Immediately I get emotionally heated and feel as if he’s “holding me back”. This doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I actually feel that that is the biggest downfall in an age gap relationship. The older partner not allowing you to be the kid that you want to be, and then you, the younger partner, being deeply resentful later down the line that you were never able to capitalize on a momentum. Other than that, Chris is absolutely my best friend and I literally never think of our age different and no one can ever even spot it with us to begin with (he looking young and me carrying myself as if I’m older).
Even Betty Bacall admitted that she had to sacrifice her youth to be with Bogart. I’ve always read some of her later interviews as cautionary, slightly jaded, as if she wished that she knew better. Clearly she loved the man with all her heart and soul, but she gave up a blooming film career at the height of her absolute beauty for him because he demanded that she be a wife and mother before an actress. So it goes. You just have to find the right dude. I don’t know if I could date someone my age. I’m just a wretchedly old person on the inside and being with someone a little older caters to a lot of my emotional needs. You can’t change a persons relationship habits until they feel its problematic and actively want to eradicate them.
Anonymous asked: what's your experience as a woman of colour having dated white dudes in the past?
That, more often than not, they think they’re doing me some kind of favor. What is actually pathetic about this fact is that they’re not even consciously aware of this themselves. It’s only acutely obvious to me because I’m not a chump and I know when an insult is an insult. For example, my first boyfriend, who was white, once called me “unconventionally beautiful” which is hilarious considering my features at pretty fuckin’ conventional, they just happen to be brown.
Then, I was insanely sprung on this one dude last year to a ridiculous extent, and lowkey I kind of hate myself for it looking back on that shit. At one point, we’re in his fancy 2011 Mustang, driving around Burbank, and he mentions how much he likes my hair. I say, “yeah, I get pretty meticulous about it’s upkeep. I’m just super Indian like that.” This fool visibly postures himself upright at that statement and looks at me with slight ill-ease at being reminded of my race, and how I just openly embraced it. There are a million other examples but you get my point. Getting called “exotic”, having pet names for my skin thrown out casually in conversation, noting the shape of my eyes with a weird glint in their eyes, WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD it’s fucking weird and never again personally speaking.
Anonymous asked: What are your thoughts on psychics, mediums, and spiritual readers?
I’ve noticed that everytime I’ve been very inclined towards them, I’ve been going through a crisis (or long standing funk) in my life, and conventional wisdom isn’t cutting it for me any longer. I think to myself, there has to be more to it than simple, kitschy, motivational phrases to make me feel better - I need divine intervention and something that can properly provide it for me.
Earlier Christian was telling me how two psychics ended up approaching him during different moments of his life and, without any expectation of money, began describing his personality traits and what the future would have in store for him. While these “prophecies” would be practically 10 years in the making (he has a disturbingly well etched memory to remember this stuff in detail to begin with), it was completely happenstance. I do believe in things like that.
It’s actually seeking these people out where I start to feel hesitant. I think too often people that are in the business of the “otherworldly” tend to prey on those they feel already have a low energy threshold. There are a lot of con artists as it is out there that want to lead you into their trap so they can bank off of you, and psychic mediums are a classic example of that. When you’re down and out, you want to latch onto any hope possible, and mysticism has a specific tendency to make you do and believe some shit you otherwise wouldn’t when things are going fantastic in your life.
Plus there are so many different sects of spiritual leaders - those that actually want to prophecize your future, those that just pick up on your energy and describe it to you, someone that interprets what’s already going on with you, some just want to properly map out a path for you to get you where you are “destined” to be. It can be sketchy, but I am spiritually inclined.. I’m just hesitant about anyone that forcefully wants to offer a service to me where money is expected with hardly a word of my consent just yet, you know?
Anonymous asked: Where was the video you just posted taken?
Sturtevant Falls in Sierra Madre, CA