الصمت زين العاقل وستر الجاه

if my intuition took the form of a person I wouldn’t hesitate in strangling it to death sometimes

there is one thing I’ve never gotten and maybe I’m dense but if you don’t REALLY like someone and more then occasionally talk shit behind this persons back, why exactly would you ask to hang out with them?

to continue the thought, if you’re a sneaky little fuck that for, whatever reason, gives yourself the credit that no one can sense your dark intentions, why would you walk up to someone with a totally sunny disposition and say hi to them all while critiquing everything about them to another person the first chance you get

I don’t understand this at all - is this los angeles culture? I remember my buddy George in high school would say often that people walking up to another person and saying, “lets hang out!!!!!” without the intention of ever wanting to hang out with them was only unique to l.a., although I don’t and haven’t really gotten that impression. maybe we do this 30% more then other big cities but it isn’t exclusive to only here

I will always associate shit talking someone that hasn’t done anything particularly racist/malicious/lazy/at the expense of others on their team with personal boredom and general unhappiness and I always emotionally keep these people at arms distance, which hilariously enough makes me look like the asshole in social situations. truly I don’t mind this at ALL because I like to keep my circle pure, trustworthy, and tight (which sounds like the subtitle to a virginity ball) but it sucks when you suddenly become the pariah in the social setting

I will never ever EVER allow myself to become complacent with racism and I’m glad it’s injustice effects me and I’m glad I’m still heavily carrying the weight of it with me a day later instead of just shrugging it off and thinking that’s its just a part of life

I will never step foot in La Crescenta again until I begin the extermination part of my reign and set that, La Canada, and Big Tujunga all into a giant burst of Sodom and Gomorrah-like ball of fire

Hindsight is 50/50. I think about how stupid that phrases sounds to me a lot, actually. It’s funny, the past 3 days I’ve been meaning to put gas in my car from the place across work that’s .10 cents cheaper then any other joint in my side of the valley. I’ve been putting it off, putting it off. When I went the gym, I said I would put gas in my car, but decided to run over to work to check my schedule instead. This morning I cooked breakfast for myself and my mother, took a quick rinse in the shower, and ran off to get my hair done and looked at the meter. “I really need to put gas in my car.” Chris was getting out of work at 1:45. I should leave at 1:20 and go put gas in my car, definitely definitely. He calls me at 12:45 and says he’s out already. I drive over to work and look at the gas station wondering if I should. I decide that I don’t. My grandmother calls me and tells me she needs me to pick her up in Woodland Hills after I go to work. Fuck, I’m definitely going to need to put gas in my car I think again as we’re driving off in Chris’ car to Eagle Rock.

It’s 9:30, I tell my manager Darren that I need to leave early to put gas in my car. I need to pick my grandmother up from Woodland Hills and the gas station closes at 10. I leave work at 9:50, have a pleasant conversation with the archaic ass dude in there. I have 23 bucks in my acct. so I put in 20 and it only fills it half way. I definitely should have done it earlier in the week so it could be somewhat full instead.

I thought about driving straight down Victory Blvd. It would take me where I need. In fact, whenever I used to go school in Woodland Hills, I would NEVER take the freeway, but go down Victory Blvd instead. It’s not “faster”, but it’s better then running into traffic on the freeway. But it’s 10 o’clock at night, there’s never traffic on the 101 at this hour.

There must have been an accident. I’m on the 134 on the intersection near where the 101 and the 170 split off. I really don’t want to keep my grandma waiting, so I decide to pull off near the exit I take every now and then. I wanted to take an earlier exit, but I wanted to see the traffic through and it wasn’t getting any better. All of the 6 lanes are clogged, but the lane to exit is pretty clear. I’m going a good 45 when suddenly more red lights pile up and I quickly brake. There isn’t a single car behind me until I see some idiot turning into a blur and slamming on the brakes. I must have been stopped already for a good 45 seconds before I see this guy. He tries to slam on the brakes, and I’m thinking no. This can’t happen, I’ve had my car 4 years! I’ve never once gotten into an accident! I was just thinking how much I love my insurance policy earlier in the day! When I was walking up to my car at work, I was thinking how beautiful my car is!!!

Of course he smashes into me and I hear all sorts of shit breaking and burning. Thrilling stuff. I haven’t felt so alive in a good while, actually! I’m alone, Chris isn’t with me, my mother isn’t with me, I’m still wearing my stupid fucking work uniform, and I need to pick up my grandmother and my phone is dying.

Immediately we pull over and I’m just sitting in my car for 30 seconds trying to collect myself I guess. I’m actually being quite emotional during this moment but I’m trying to Be Cool. The second I walk out of my car, me and the dude make eye contact. Mind you, this freeway is nearly dead stopped, right? Well, the little fucker suddenly attempts to drive off. He actually does drive off. But if this bitch thinks I can’t remember his license plate to a T in the meantime he must be even more fuckin stupid then the situation already paints him out to me.

I hesitate in telling Chris because he’s about to go see Man of Steel and shit. I go home and try not to burst into tears and wake my mom up who is just being as supportive as a crab/scorpion hybrid right now. I have to cal my grandmother on my moms phone and let her know what happen and she pretty much freaks out and makes me repeat everything in detail 6 damn times.

I really should have put gas in my car a couple of days ago and I doubt I would have ever taken that freeway that I’ve taken maybe once in my life to a place I’ve been to a thousand fucking times?